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Man's Best Friend

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Man's Best Friend

Post by hockables on Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:15 am

A dog named Sex

Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs.

That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot.

But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and
named his dog Sex?

It goes like this:

"One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours
looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this
alley at midnight? I told him I was looking for Sex.

My case comes up next Tuesday."

"But, that ain't the worst part. One day, I went to the town hall to get a
dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted
a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too."
Then, I said, "You don't understand. She's a dog."
He said he didn't care how she looked.When I told him I'd had Sex since I
was 5, he said, "You must have been an early bloomer."

"When I decided to get married, I told the Minister I wanted to have Sex at
the wedding. He told me I'd have to wait until after the wedding. When I
protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life
revolved around Sex, he said he didn't want to hear about my personal life."

"After my wife and I were married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon.
When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife
and wanted one for Sex. She said. "Every room in the hotel was for sex." I
said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said,
"Me, too."

"When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and
said, "Me. too."

"Now that I've been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble
with that dog than I ever imagined, I'm in counseling. My psychiatrist asked
me what my problem was. I said "Sex has died and left my life. It's like
losing a best friend and I'm so lonely," I told him.

He said, "Look, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. You should get a dog.


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Re: Man's Best Friend

Post by hockables on Sun Sep 14, 2014 12:08 pm






A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.


After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

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Re: Man's Best Friend

Post by DolceVita on Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:26 am

[quote="hockables"]

" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."


Sooooooooo very funny, thanks for today's laugh !!!

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