One tough old US Marine Sergeant

hahaha

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.' The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York, so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.' The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.' The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish? 'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine... 'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?' 'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.


As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three liberal assholes report that I was the aggressor.....?'

Semper Fi!

Leave it to a right winger to think that a kick in the ass would justify shooting and slashing 19 people to death. And, also to find that funny.
Do you feel better now that you got to type "liberal assholes"?

Late in the night he regained consciousness…

He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital’s ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function
and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say,
“You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply,
“Can I feel your tits, then?”

THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a Burglar,
sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.

Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him
over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.

He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.

Astonished I got back into bed. , my lovely wife said, you're shaking, what is it?'

'You'll never believe what I've just seen', I said.

"That Bastard next door still has my fucking shovel'

High School was fun and all, but isn't it time to leave it behind?

ltollefs wrote:High School was fun and all, but isn't it time to leave it behind?

U do have an opinion... unfortunately, most seems to be about yourself and your opinion.


I'm forming an opinion of you as well....

That was your shovel? Sorry, I forgot to return it.
You can have it back now.

zenwoodle wrote:That was your shovel? Sorry, I forgot to return it.
You can have it back now.

Not until he learns how to call "a spade a spade".

......and knows how to use it.    

hockables wrote:

ltollefs wrote:High School was fun and all, but isn't it time to leave it behind?

U do have an opinion... unfortunately, most seems to be about yourself and your opinion.


I'm forming an opinion of you as well....