Quick Thinking

An elderly man in West Virginia had owned a large farm for several Years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so He fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with Glee…. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said................











‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Two Newfies, Archie and Harry, were driving down the road drinking
a couple of beers.

The passenger, Harry, suddenly said,'Lord tundering.... up ahead -- it's
a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' dese here
beers!!'

'Don't worry,' Archie said. 'We'll just pull over and finish dese beers,
then peel off the label, stick it on our foreheads, and trow the bottles
under the seat.'

'What fer?'

'Jist let me do de talkin', OK?'

So they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a
label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the police officer took a long look at
the two of them and said, 'You boys been drinkin'?'

'No sir,' said Archie, pointing at the labels. 'We're on the patch !'

An adventurer is walking through the desert and he comes across a dead elephant with a pygmy standing next to it.

He says to the pygmy "How on earth did you kill that elephant?".. and the pygmy says "With my club"

Astonished, the adventurer then asked the pygmy "Geez! How big is your club?"

... and the pygmy says... "Oh, there's about 40 of us."

Some years ago, Stan married an attractive woman, Aggie, half his age, in a small coastal Newfoundland community.


After several months, Aggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Newfoundland women are entitled to a climax at least once in a while.


To resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere on the Burin Peninsula.


The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.


He told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.


The couple hired a strong young man from Port Aux Basques to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.


After many efforts, Aggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Aggie to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Stan waved the big towel.


They tried it that night and Aggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.


When it was over, Stan looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said:
"And that, me son, is how ya waves a fockin' towel!"

A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."