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My personal tradgedy

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Post by papirex Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:06 pm

My wonderful Mexicana wife died on Sunday, February 27th . Hospitalized several times, and treated by a couple of private physicians in the past few months. The IMSS general hospital here is a butcher shop, and we never did get a clear diagnosis. It was probably related to her condition as a diabetic, and her complete loss of any short term memory. The cause of death was listed as heart failure on the death certificate. I was with my wife when she died. She was sleeping when she started gasping for breath. She stopped gasping and breathing, she was gone.

It should be noted that just about everyone calls anyone that works in a hospital or clinic “Doctor” as a term of respect. If someone at a hospital tells you that a Doctor said something, that person may not be a Doctor, but an aide, or a janitor.

Her funeral was held in Mexico City, her home town. Some of her family was visiting in Guadalajara at the time, so there were many relatives from Canada, The US, and Mexico of course. Doris was only 55 years old, I always expected that she would need to bury me someday.

Our next door neighbors were wonderful. The husband is a Doctor in the Mexican Army, a radiologist. He is stationed in Mexico City, so he is only home on weekends, he checked Doris every weekend. The wife is a member of an independent Christian Church. She no longer tries to convert us,but she is a true Christian.

Their oldest 18 year old daughter was wonderful. I now call her my step-daughter. She went to the hospital, every day that Doris was hospitalized, and to every Doctors appointment. She was here every day, and helped Doris with the daily exercises prescribed by a therapist. She has been calling me every day, and has brought me many hot meals, almost daily.

My wife’s mother, my suegra lives with us, but she is staying in Mexico City for a few days to wrap up some business there. There is just me and our two dogs and Doris' cremains here now. Believe it or not, having her cremains with me gives me great comfort.

I know my time is short, I have faced what I thought was my certain death four times in my life. I survived each time, but death holds no terror for me anymore. I must outlive our dogs though. They loved her, and they know their human Mom is gone, they no longer look for her, but they are sad.

I'm not looking for sympathy, but I felt that I had to write a little tribute for my earth Angel, she was the most wonderful person I have ever known, I am lonely for her.

Rex
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Post by hockables Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:18 pm

So sorry about your loss Rex...

Your neighbors sound like good friends. Now is the time for Family & Friends.

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Post by ferret Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:15 pm

I am so sorry for your loss Rex. There's never a "right" time to lose anyone and especially not the person that you have chosen to love and who captured your heart. It is always bitterly painful and lonely in the aftermath. You have my sincere condolences.
Please keep posting your wonderful insights and information about Mexico...you are needed.
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Post by Carry Bean Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:53 pm

I'm so very sorry for your great loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman & I'm sure there's a hole in your heart.

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Post by CanuckBob Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:04 pm

Very sorry to hear about your loss Rex.

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Post by kipissippi Tue Mar 08, 2011 10:24 pm

Rex I'm so sorry. After reading your posts for so long..I feel like I know you and your love for Doris was always...bright and shiny. You lost a wonderful woman, but she had a man who loved her totally while she was here. Some never get to love like that.

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Post by papirex Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:50 pm

I want to thank you all for your nice comments.

We had the funeral for Doris in México City. It was more of a memorial service rather than a funeral as we know them, Funerals are done differently in México than in The US.  There was no clergy present, just a room full of friends, family and the body in a coffin.  We stayed with her all day, the cremation was not scheduled until 7 PM.  Late in the afternoon, some relatives decided to have a priest come to say a Mass.  It was nice, as nice as it can be at a funeral.

The Priest invited anyone to come forward and speak about Doris' life, not just one person as has become the norm at funerals in The US. Many people spoke in rapid-fire fluent Spanish of course, so I didn't understand every word, but enough to understand the many good things she had done for all of them. I always knew she was my Angel on earth, it was nice to hear it confirmed.
 
It was the only funeral parlor I have ever known of that had a snack bar in it where we could buy coffee, tea, soft drinks and juices as well as sandwiches, etc. probably because mourners were there for so many hours. Chavo (my cuñado) and I invited Sarita (my suegra)to have some tea, which she likes, and she also had a sandwich, I was not hungry all day, so I ate nothing, I did have some coffee though.

It was pleasantly surprising to see all of the friends and family there from all over México. Canada, and The United States. I was surprised to see her brother Chavo show up in the afternoon. He was lucky enough to find a reasonably priced airline ticket to México City from Tacoma, via Georgia, he said it was a long flight, but affordable, and available . We invited him and one of his sons to stay with us in Cuernavaca.  He will probably want to go back to México City soon to see his fiancé, Dra. Paty. He had to return to Tacoma on the next Sunday to be at work at Boeing .

Doris was not the natural mother of our kids, but they all considered her to be their Mom, and the grand kids all called her Grandma. Doris was a retired cantante, she had the voce de oro. I know I will never hear her golden voice again, except in my head.

It is hard now, but my memories , and our kids will sustain me.

Rex


Last edited by papirex on Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:02 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typo)
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Post by oncesubtle Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:41 am

We are saddened by your loss Rex and pray you will soon find the peace and comfort Doris would want for you now.
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Post by johninajijic Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:56 am

I am so sad for you for the loss of your wife at such an early age.
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Post by gringal Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:20 pm

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. It probably doesn't reduce your pain at this time, but at least you do have the memories of a loving marriage to a wonderful woman. Treasure them, for they are priceless.

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Post by martygraw Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:02 pm

Please accept our deepest condolences
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Post by simpsca Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:41 pm

Rex,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how important your wife and her family are to you. I know no words can make you feel better. I hope you have friends and family to keep you company at this time of terrible loss.
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Post by Peter Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:52 am

My heartfelt condolences, Rex.

I believe I can empathize with you somewhat. Here in Mexico for nearly three years I have been with the most wonderful and loving companion of my lifetime. In every way she is the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

I believe I can understand what a wonderful partnership you had with Doris. Treasure those years and all the moments you had together with her.

May the sunlight continue to shine in your life always.
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Post by bimini6 Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:04 pm

It does not matter that I do not know you, I still am sorry for you loss. Life seems so short sometimes. I pray for you to have peace and healing.

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Post by shirley Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:43 pm

My condolences, Rex, for your loss. I cannot even imagine the magnitude of losing ones partner, especially at such a young age. Your memories will keep you going.
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