How to spot an International Finance Person

So here I am, with tequila in hand thinking of some interesting types I've met here with "credentials" that far surpass mine. In the interests in identifying these "real McCoys" instead of some poser or one with a border promotion, I thought I'd list some common characteristics.

Now as a disclaimer it is possible that the heads (or ex heads) of Lehman, Chase, and the other top brokerage houses are really sneaking down here for some peace and quiet and I hope I don't blow their cover.

Generally they all seem to have in common:

Phone Calls:
Always use Magic Jack, well the very few that is to say those that don't require you call them on Skype. If they have a cell phone it will be one of the models your maid had when she was 12.

Business Cards:
Have dubious titles and abbreviations and never a full name nor even an address, guess when you are super rich and famous it cuts down on the starstruck stalking you outside your home or even knowing what to call you. Best to leave no trace (or evidence).

Residence:
As the truly rich feel liquidity is the key (so is being able to make a fast getaway) they will often rent in a fine area such as Riberas and never live in a gated community or area such as Riviera Alta or anywhere that might run over $400US per month.

History:
Always very colorful except explaining why they are in the Chapala area with barely two (wooden) nickels to rub together and not working on Wall Street or in the US as shmoozing with the local ex pats is probably an unknown method of discovering the next huge IPO or merger and rubbing shoulders with the power players of the globe.

Vehicles:
Never wanting to be a target of crime these shrewd ones sometimes come down sans vehicle and instead try to blend in like the stealth chameleons they are by taking public transportation or better yet in a some car worth less than what many of us carry in our wallets.

Methodology:
When pressed as to exactly what they do and how do they invest client funds there is always a convoluted explanation with the disclaimer how us simple folk wouldn't understand as we aren't in international finance. Still annual returns over 80% means somebody else is giving or losing the money which you are making, well at least to little naive old me which seems an insurmountable explanation which cannot be given simply or on a need to know basis, etc or if they tell me they'd have to shoot me (but I'd have to buy the bullets, see above two wooden nickels).

so didja invest with them... I mean... more than 1 cold beer.....lol

I wouldn't trust 99% of the clowns running around here spewing the above shiznet. It is interesting asking them questions and seeing the similarities.

Oh God my favorites are the ones who want to hire me for my services and give me a cut of the USD$100,000,000 take but then I tell them I'll need a few hundred dollars up front to do the due diligence and investigations and these saps say well they will need to check with the board of directors and get authorization, etc. Crap if these high rollers don't carry a few hundred US in their wallets or can't go to an ATM than they are losers!!!! After all they don't even want to risk a few hundred on their "sure thing" multi million dollar project.

You would probably make more money turning them into the local "crimebusters" chapter from the area they slithered from NOB.

Yes, we have run into more than we ever expected.

They have offshore accounts to explain their lack of funds and have problems with transfers. Yes we did meet one of those who offered to buy our house even though it wasn't for sale.

They wear suits and ties.

They go all red in the face when prospective clients who have more than a passing interest in the markets ask uncomfortable questions which they can't answer. At which point they resort to the old tried and true, it's too complicated for you. After which, once you have demolished that argument, disappear forever.

To be honest I have not met in five years an honest real estate agent or
financial advisor that I would trust. Now before all you folks chime in on your
best friend or whatever I know there are probably good ones down here but
I have not met them. I give little tests to see if they are honest and frankly
all have failed. Even real estate buyers agents don't disclose properly here
and I can't get any proper documentation from the financial advisors.

Z